Happy days are here again

Everyone has shown up and some have left already. Just got through having one last visit with Dixie, she came over to see Isis and to meet Seth. Doug had left for the airport with Rick both on their way to their Shaking Medicine community so she missed saying goodbye to him. We had a good talk about trying to put things in order for the possibility of Doug needing a burial plot and an obit. He wants to be buried in Schaller,Ia where he grew up and where his parents are buried. He wants this regardless of when he dies, so now seems like a good time to arrange that in case he needs it sooner rather than later. The newest chemo regimen seems to have increased his neuropathy even more, his gait is not as steady, his eyes are droopier and his fingers don't work like he needs them to. He has decided not to do chemo next week as he has obligations at work, maybe the time away from treatment will be helpful in getting back some of his function. It seems that it will be a balancing act to keep one step ahead of the lymphoma and keeping the collateral damage to a minimum. I am happy that he is off with his shaman community,they will take care of him and he will get a showering of "the big love" that fills his heart so much. I on the other hand will get to relax my grip on the wariness that comes with watching your loved one slowly lose some vital functions, trying to keep the reins on what is safe and not while balancing the freedoms that we all enjoy and are so loathe to let go of. If that last line doesn't make sense to you, too bad, I know what I mean. It is only through the eyes of others that I get a glimpse of what this whole situation looks like with fresh sight. It has been a gradual slide down to where we are right now and I have become accustom to a frailer, less sharp Doug. I have also been in the front row seats of others that have gone down this road so I do know that things can look pretty bleak and then slowly turn around and within a year or so you have the same old person back, albeit wiser and more polished by life. It is hard to say what the end of this road will look like, I am just trying to stay on the path for right now.