The dark pit

I have fallen into a dark pit, the sides of which are lined with bad food, stress and the decision that I make over and over again to try to be all things to all people. Since company showed up over a week ago, I have consistently made bad choices about what I put it to my mouth and what I let into my mind. Cooked food of every ilk has become fair game for consumption and awful thoughts are getting a front row seat in this mind of mine. I had a great time with my company, friend and family alike, but my capacity for stress seems to have diminished to almost zero. I have to get it out of my mind that restaurant reservations are what's for dinner. I have been overwhelmed with having to make choices and put energy into food prep when the fundamental questions such as what is our next step in Doug's healing journey going to be. I have also had pain that I finally treated with pain relievers yesterday, the pain stops me, but baby not as bad as the pain killers stop me. I feel yucky, foggy and a bit helpless as to how to put one foot in front of the other as illustrated by my complete waste of my day today. I did make myself available for a counseling session with a friend but other than that, not much of import has transpired through my efforts.
As I whine and complain here, I am aware that there is a whole nation under siege from the forces of nature, hundreds of thousands of people possibly dead, and I am bitching about not having the energy to get out of my chair to make a salad for the people showing up at my home tonight.