Bad Blogger

I need to get more committed to blogging, do you know how many of the masses are waiting for me to share my awesome wisdom with them? The responsibility is almost too much to bear! It has been a busy couple of days. Doug and I are trying to navigate our way through this treatment maze, researching and investigating and checking in to our individual intuitions, all in an effort to figure out whether to stay with the center or to move on and see what else is out there that would fit his needs and help him push through this disease more rapidly with less collateral damage. It is weighing heavily on both of us, though the prospect of change for the better is strangely refreshing at the same time. There have been many tears shed here at this house in the past week, part of our family is going through what in my humble opinion is the single most difficult of life trials that can be born by humans- the breakup and restructuring of a primary relationship. It is in the early, heart-wrenching, I can't catch my breath, I think I might throw up stage of things. It is painful to witness, and equally hard to know that there is not a single thing that I can do to relieve any of the pain that my loved ones are going through, I am not God, not even a close second, third or one millionth. I am only a mommy, a mommy in law and a grammy- all awesome things but none of them All knowing, All wise or even slightly Omnipotent. It is another storm to be weathered just when you think that you can't get any wetter or any colder, but oddly you can.
We have had Dixie and John visiting from Iowa,two of Doug's favorite family members, they love him for who he is and he feels comfortable and safe enough with both of them to be exactly that- who he is. I felt a tremendous relief with them here- a little like a mini changing of the guard, a tiny respite from the care taking that has consumed my life for the past few months. It is a gift for the baby and Jen too, as there were two more grownups that were invested in the little guy's well being for the day. I am so happy that they took the time and made the effort to come and spend the time with Doug and myself,I am looking forward to spending more time together tomorrow.
My article is officially up and published, a big email blitz goes out on Monday announcing this issue of the newsletter. There is a quasi job offer on the table at the center to do what I do best and what I have been doing for free for the past 4 months there with random staff and clients. I know that it would be temporary, I know that it would try my patience and I know that it would hone my skills, so a proposal for services is in the works to let them know what I might be able to offer them in terms of providing my expertise there. My baby girl shows up at the end of the week, my niece shows up 4 days after that and my girlfriend shows up tomorrow- feels like the kind of life that makes me thrive while making me a little nuttier than usual. I got on the stick and got myself, my daughter-in-law and my best friend a massage today here at the house by one of the most talented therapists that I know. I also ate what I wanted today- just plain old comfort food. I also am happy to say that about half of that comfort food was actually raw and healthy, even to the point of consuming 1 and 1/2 quarts of green juice, so the day wasn't a total bust nutritionally. I even started a new skin regimen. I spent time admiring my new refrigerator and it's role in simplifying my life. So while it may seem like a crazy hectic time to some that care for me, I have indeed been taking care of myself.
Jen and James Joseph leave for Sierra Vista in the morning, Judy arrives after they leave, Dixie and John are coming in the afternoon as well as Doug's brother Dennis. Some how I am going to get a good nights sleep, some committed self care and a couple of raw deserts prepared between now and tomorrow afternoon. Wish me luck!!