I guess I don't write a lot when I am happy.

So I have been actually having a life that isn't 100% about being a faithful caregiver sacrificing every minute to this disease that Doug has been fighting. He is feeling better, down to one chemo treatment a week which is helping with his general well being, also gaining 5 pounds back has helped with his strength although he is still as weak as a kitten compared to his former self. I still have to undo jar and bottle caps for him. I had more clients this week and took a couple of days to do preparation for a class that didn't happen and to just catch up on all the thing that can't get done during a week of traveling to and fro and staying at the center for 6-7 hours a day. I have come up ith some awesome new recipes and continued to take better care of myself, taking the time alone to check in with myself to see what it is that I am needing.
My biggest accomplishment is that I finally signed off on my article for Christiane's newsletter. I worked with Doug to edit the article and then turned it over to Chris' editor Judy, who is a miracle worker. She didn't have to rewrite much of anything but she did figure out how to meld the two articles that I gave her, move parts of them around and came up with a seamless and complete article. We were both happy with it and Christiane thinks is amazing, so Yay! It should appear in the January issue of the Women's Wisdom Community newsletter on the Guest Author section. While working with Judie I got the feeling that she just might be the person who could help me finally birth this book that has been sitting in me for so long. She felt positive about it and she does do freelance work so I am sending her what I have work up so far. It is all very exciting.
We continue to feel our way along with our diets, Doug is really feeling the loss of warm or hot foods especially since the weather has turned so cold here. He has been having some cooked food every day, though he does keep juicing and eating raw food too. He didn't start to gain weight back until he ate cooked food but who knows if that is directly responsible for the gain. He had to get a Neupegen shot today because his white count was so low. He always gets incredibly hungry when he gets that injection, so we fed him up good at a new organic Slo food restaurant tonight. I also had to give him a B12 shot at the same time.
I pointed out to him that it seemed to me that the only that I touch him anymore is to hold his hand so that he doesn't fall (he has very bad neuropathy of his feet, can't feel them)or I am sticking him with a needle. We thought that maybe we could remedy that situation with some scheduled snuggling.
I have had lots of thoughts and small epiphanies in the past few days, they have drifted in and out of my consciousness, sort of like everything these days. I forget them unless I write them down so I guess I will have to be more vigilant about this blog. As the title suggests, I must not feel the need to write as much when I am not in despair or throwing up. It makes good copy but not a great experience in real life. So I will be more committed to my blogging even though it will be a lot more hearts and flowers and a lot less vomit, diarrhea and hopeless misery. At least that is what I am counting on.