Home again, home again

Our time in Portland was a nice sweet time to unwind for me. I hadn't realized how much I missed adult, not cancer focused conversation. I also didn't realize how much worrying about having my head bitten off over and over again has worn down my desire/ability to communicate my thoughts, concerns or feelings to others. I had the opportunity to engage in lively, funny and heartfelt conversations with many people and didn't get misunderstood or confronted once! Refreshing and also sad that currently that is not something I can count on in my own home. I understand all the ramifications of the stress that this situation that we are dealing with brings with it for Doug and I appreciate the untenable position of feeling trapped and helpless while being scared for your life. Even with that knowledge I have waves of despair that roll over me when I react so strongly to what I feel is sharp and mean behavior focused at me while I am simply trying to do my job as a wife and caregiver. I had a dream last night that was an indicator of that despair, I won't try to write it down here but I did share it with Doug this morning which opened up a conversation that helped to dispel my current bout of despair.
In Portland I enjoyed the rain, especially at night when it would lull me back to sleep in the middle of the night. The chill in the air was wonderful to cuddle away. I also had an opportunity to prepare food from what was available, produce that i had packed in a cold box and brought with us from our home. I just asked the veggies how they wanted to go together and I created a few yummy and healthy dishes with intuition and no recipes. It was a turning point on my learning curve of raw food life. We had a lovely time rooming a the same cottage as Marvin and Dana, a raw food couple from Canada. We swapped recipes, ideas and gadgets.
The travel home started very early yesterday but was fairly uneventful with the exception of a wonderful interlude with our flight attendant discussing life, health, and faith. I was knackered from the trip and was falling asleep in my chair when I realized that I had not ordered food for this week at the clinic, so I took and long hot salt bath and prepared 5 different food stuffs for the week- almond milk, not tuna pate, parsnip rice, almond basil cheese and various greens washed and readied for
wraps. I also cleaned up the kitchen and packed all of our bags for our trip to the clinic.
Today I had a lots of energy after our ride to the clinic and got an awesome lymphatic massage. I got to work on one of the staff and helped her back pain substantially which made me very jazzed. We stopped by the bank to deposit more of Doug's retirement money and 5 checks from the insurance company!!! We aren't asking questions about the whys and wherefores, but are very grateful for the money. It would appear that the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing at the insurance company and that we can probably expect more checks in the coming weeks. On the way home we shopped at Whole foods for many new staples that we wanted to try. so I am getting ready for bed after having had a very good day and for now that is more than enough.