Deja Poo

Well as much as I would like to write something about butterflies and unicorns, there really is only one thing that has our attention captured here at this house. That subject being...... shit, either not enough of it or too much of it. Doug is one week into a bowel problem of not any shit, I unfortunately have the opposite problem, too much, I slept poorly last night and woke up to the overwhelming urge to throw up and poop at the same time. Both of which I did within 10 minutes of leaving my bed. I had weighed myself upon arising, dismayed that I had gained 2 pounds in a day, no need to worry though, I weighed 31/2 pounds less after 40 minutes of massive intestinal dumping and vomiting into the wastebasket. My only thoughts during this perfect storm were about just how awful and helpless I felt and who would take care of Doug if I died during this horrendous cleansing. I also thought of how awful Doug must feel with a paralyzed gut that won't function. We tried several "fixes" yesterday with no relief, even considering going to the Emergency Room to see what could be done at the hospital. We nixed that idea upon consideration of the risks of sitting waiting with other folks who might have flu or other potentially dangerous infections. A real consideration when you consider that Doug has an extremely low white blood cell count, actually needing shots twice in the past week and a half to stimulate his bone marrow to produce more white cells. So we felt very impotent and stuck. I knew that short of a complete bowel obstruction that might need surgery, that the only thing that the hospital would do is to stick a tube down his throat into his stomach, hook it up to suction and to not give him anything by mouth until his gut starts working again. A miserable remedy. So we decided to keep him here, I gave him more abdominal massage, a large hot enema and a huge dose of magnesium. He has kept up with small frequent drinks of water and no solid food. He slept fitfully, as did I, he because of belly pain, me because of worrying about whether or not he was going to get worse throughout the night. I would have probably slept better if I were not a nurse and had the gift of blissful ignorance.
So it is a shitty situation, this limbo land of waiting to see what happens next, not feeding him so his gut can rest and heal, while he continues to drop weight from starving. His skeleton becomes more pronounced every day, with bruises forming over his jutting bones. His hair is 75% gone, strewn around the house like silvery tinsel. His spirit very bruised and bent but so far not broken.
I am still in awe of this process that we are living, it is tailor made for us to stretch ourselves and to grow into who ever it is that the universe is calling us both to be. We will both be better, stronger and more humble people. I am reminded that plants flourish in manure, I am hoping that the same holds true for people.
In spite of all the poopy things that we dealt with yesterday, I did get almost all of the tasks done that I have been unable to get to for the past couple of weeks. So the bills are paid, packets of raw recipes copied, collated and packaged for friends and family, information for debt settlement papers drawn up and wills reworked. I also got to prepare a few yummy recipes that I have been looking forward to making. Zucchini noodles with fresh Pesto, Sweet Potato noodles with not peanut sauce, Raw lasagne and raw vegan key lime pie. All yummy, but I would not recommend tasting all of them in one day especially after being on a juice fast for 3 weeks. Unless you want to contemplate death up close and personally as I got to just an hour ago.