Inevitable possibilities

On this roller-coaster of an emotional life that I am riding it seems that at every hill and every valley of the ride that there is a switch that can changed to ensure another peak or a dizzying drop in my mood. These are inevitable as far as I can see, they are as the word suggests unavoidable. So the choice, mine or anyone else's, is to proactively turn these stomach churning inevitabilities into possibilities.
I have found that in my past year and some of sculpting a new reality that doesn't include Doug or any of the roles that being a wifely one, that sometimes I make a good life affirming decision about where to put my energy and sometimes I don't. There are days (especially the "valley" days) when I am pretty much convinced that the whole thing is a crap shoot. Those are not my favorite ones, I am blind to the possibilities on those days and spend the time clinging to the ride as opposed to enjoying it. On the days when I can keep in mind that I live in a benevolent universe I negotiate the twists and turns with finesse and am actually excited by the prospect of pushing all the different buttons and pulling all the levers in the cart, trusting that the directions that I am tossed in by my willingness to play with the controls will all lead to something yummy and comforting. Those days are gifts to me, I can be in any state of mind at any given moment but feel assured that the mystery of the day will be revealed to me when I am ready for it and that I don't have to DO anything to push the organic order of the unfolding.