coincidence? I think not

As my life is unfolding into another day I am reflecting with absolute wonder at the galaxy of so called coincidences that make up any given moment. How all the deaths and births swirling around me keep coming together to form a perfect storm of forward movement and heart breakingly sweet opportunities for myself and others. My only task is to be open to the possibility of things greater than I can imagine.
Jesse and I traveled North to visit mutual friends and for him to meet more of my friends from the healing community that has sprung up around me in the past 10 years. We also went with 3 of these folks to hear one of my all time favorite songwriter singers. The day and the evening was evocative of so many feelings of nostalgia and grief. This all culminated in a heart to heart conversation as we barreled down the highway back to this home of mine that I am knee deep in letting go of. The issues were the stuff of life, seldom discussed openly though they are an integral part of the matrix that holds up any life that is pointed in the direction of service to humanity. Hard things to say and contemplate with solutions readily at hand when sorely needed. Amazing accidents, when viewed with a secular eye, life as it should be when caught in the lens of spirit.
Of late I have been contemplating the idea of having two visions about any particular situation. Doug's life, illness and death being in the forefront of my mind. My human attached view of that time is one of "dear God, why did that have to be so damned awful, so full of pain, of physical and emotional torture for both of us and such desperate hope?" In that state of mind I would wish away every last bit of humiliation and suffering that the man had to face. But from the heart of spirit and the wisdom of knowing that everything unfolds as is meet and seemly, I am incredibly grateful to have been present for the burnishing of my sweetie's soul as he faced the tribulations of the last year of his life, especially the last 10 weeks. I watched his physical and mental suffering burn away all those impurities of character that one accumulates in a lifetime. I was witness to the final earthly polishing of the gem that he was to this world. It was and is a high honor to have been present with and actively supporting that process even as my human heart was breaking at the violence of the process.
I have to believe that this ability to have the two sights for any given situation that I am faced with is a priceless gift and that both sights are necessary to have the whole truth of my existence. It is a difficult idea to keep in mind, most days I just want to wallow in the awfulizing comfort of anger and despair, you get more hugs and pity that way. And if I am completely honest with myself, that is what I crave. Not having my shit together and being able to rail against the brutality that is part of all of our lives is more familiar and get us more attention that simply letting it be and having acceptance and even joy at the process.But the profound and utter peace of mind and comfort of heart are so much more satisfying and lasting.
So just for today I am going to put on my big girl pants and face the day with a heart full of expectancy and the eyes of an awestruck child, try it, I know that you will like it once the fear melts away in the heat of wonder.