I find myself in a quandary this morning. It is one that I find myself in often. People that I love share frustrations with me and I want to some how intervene. I have no power mind you, but in my magical thinking way of wanting all parties that I love to be happy and safe in the process of growing into who and what they are meant to be, my first inclination is to intervene in a helpful way. But then, fear, old resentments, misunderstandings and anger cloud the situations that people find themselves in and they do and say things that are not life affirming, kind or helpful. Now realize that I include myself in this conundrum of how to step back and not treat people like shit just because I am tired, sick, scared or just plain caught off guard.
Anyway, the past few weeks have brought home this idea to me over and over.Just when I think I have a handle on another persons motives, thoughts or character and I am ready to go to battle to some how dig my heels in to never change my mind about what a jerk someone is or how they are lacking in any way, time goes by (and I mean sometimes, just minutes) and new information or thoughts present themselves and the wind is taken from my rescuing sails. Luckily for me and all those poor souls that I care about, I am learn to hold my tongue and let people just figure things out for themselves. They never figure it out the way I would like, but so far no one has been killed or even badly maimed. And sometimes awesome possibilities are never realized because of people's wounds and inability to get out of their own way, but I am gradually learning that I am so completely powerless over any of it. So though there is some major butt kicking that I would like to do this morning, the only butt that I will kick is mine.
I will kick it into submission to care for myself the best way I can. I am still in the process of healing from this latest brush with death, my guts are letting me know that they are still quite ill, and my wound is 90% healed, I have long glimpses of the woman I remember being before this whole thing started and I still get bone-crushingly fatigued without notice, but all in all heading in the right direction. I will soon start the process of figuring out if and how I am going to address the question of injustice and malpractice in the care that I received in this latest debacle, but for right now I am going to do my best to continue actively healing. I have already had my super food breakfast drink, my green smoothie and taken care of the little guy. All the fixings for some yummy dehydrator treats are ready to be put together including cauliflower popcorn, kale chips, a raw calzone, apple pie salad and radicchio wraps and some turkey soup. But I am going to whip up some farm fresh scrambled eggs that Rebecca so lovingly obtained for me and figure out how to keep myself sane while meeting the needs of my tornado of a boy and my old man. So to all those that might be reading this, take care of yourself, but remember to be thoughtful and kind to those around you to, you have no idea the impact that you make on your fellow creatures when you let fear, anger or thoughtlessness rule your tongue. It is said that the tongue has the power to lacerate the soul and that words spoken in anger last 500 years, it would be nice if we could all act that way.
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