5 steps foreward -3 steps back

So today, I had a massage, a great massage, moved things around and relaxed and pampered my poor beaten infected body. but I gotta say, not much else happened after that. Fortunately in my manic return to the living yesterday, I prepared enough food for a small army so we had many healthy, yummy choices. I did manage a good long phone call with a friend, who has agreed to come and help me tackle the taxes, thank the good Lord. After a dead to the world 2 hour nap at 5PM, I got up to do a whole lot of nothing but watch mindless TV. We did manage a walk around the block with a stir crazy Frankie and now that the kitchen and great room is tidied up, I am toddling off to bed for hopefully a restful nights sleep. Doug has been preparing himself for Paulyne's death for awhile and is doing fairly well with its imminence, though he is very openly effusive with gratitude for my presence in his life as he doesn't think he could bear her loss with out our marriage in place, I guess that I am his second best friend out of two, which works for me. It will be hard but not devastating as I feared. I continue to leak golden clear fluid from my surgical wound though it is much smaller than even two days ago an early appointment with the PCP should shed a little light on the prognosis for complete healing. Much more raw food, probably 80% today which feels cleaner and healthier, so far the guts aren't complaining too much, still in fairly good working order, though still very aware of my internal organs, not a particular comfortable feeling or one that you get used to, I think. Getting ready today celebrate my baby's 30th birthday and looking forward to that. Also looking forward to caring for my favorite 3 1/2 year old boy for a few days, got my reinforcements set up and it should work out well. Will definitely pace myself and ask for help readily. -My new mantra is- Can I stomach this?- if not it doesn't happen.