47 pounds

I am sitting in the airport waiting for a plane to land so we can get on it and fly to Portland, I am also trying to figure out how I will get Doug in his wheelchair and me and all our stuff on to the plane in one trip. I guess I could ask for help, novel idea.
I had the interesting experience last night of hoisting up and trying to carry a 40 pound container of kitty litter. It is was awkward and made me swear as I tried to maneuver it out from under the shelve where it had been stacked two containers tall, with the top of the upper container caught on the lip of the shelf, all at once I had an epiphany. I realized that until just recently, I had been carrying around those 40 pounds plus 8 more, every minute of every day. It was a real burden to try to get that 40 pounds from the shelf to the cart, from the cart to the car and finally from the car to the house. I recommitted to losing the next 38 pounds that I not longer want or need to carry around by midyear next year. I can’t be weighed down any more.
Right after the kitty litter fiasco, I drove to my old nail salon, desperate to get my brows cleaned up to match my awesome coiffure. I hadn’t been there in over a year. I used to be a regular when I was a successful healer who actually earned money. The owner’s mouth fell open as I walked in the door, she said “Oh, long time you are gone, you lose weight!!! You look much better” in her very honest and guileless Vietnamese way. It was a verification of the thoughts I had been having in the pet food store. So, as I have been living in orbit of Doug and his tribulations, I have been rebuilding myself, eating to live instead of living to eat, with some fairly amazing results.
So, our trip so far has consisted of me running around like a crazy woman, calling to change my essential oil auto-ship so that we didn’t inadvertently spend $400.00 for oils that we already have, going to the library to pick up some books on hold, going the post office to pick up a hemp seed order that for some strange reason needed a signature, packing a cold box of organic veggies and oils and fruits to ship with us, making sure that the dog got medicated and had printed instructions for the pet sitter, a dear friend who loves him and without whose help this trip wouldn’t be nearly so doable. I also had to remember to pack a vial of Procrit (a $550.00 vial, mind you) on ice with a syringe and needle for the very real possibility that I might have to give Doug a shot tomorrow if his Hematocrit has fallen any more. We found out yesterday that his red blood cell count is at the point where transfusions are considered. He got a shot yesterday to stimulate his bone marrow into pumping out some more red cells, but they don’t always work the first time. If his count gets much lower his oxygen carrying capacity will not be enough to sustain his heart and brain function. This is all from the low dose chemo, he has yet to receive the equivalent of one full treatment of conventional chemo. I shudder at the thought of how that would have affected the poor guy.
We got a wheelchair assist for Doug at the airport, he hated it but I was thankful for it. I wrangled most of the carry ons and didn’t have to worry about him being able to make the walk to the trip to the gate. Doug mentioned that there was a slight possibility that he might require oxygen during the flight, little did either of us know that that statement would require the flight to stop preparation for leaving so that they could check with their insurance company to see if we would have to be ousted from the plane because of the possibility of having to divert the plane if he did indeed need oxygen! Good Lord, I just sat quietly saying the “Remover of difficulties” over and over again as the very nice nurse turned flight attendant kept trying to reassure Doug that it was standard operating procedure and that they couldn’t guarantee that we would be able to actually go on the trip, but it would probably be fine. After a moderately long delay, we got the all clear to leave. A sigh of relief from me and an immediate apology from Doug about inconveniencing the staff and our fellow travelers followed the good news. After taxiing out from the gate, we got the message that we were going to be further delayed as a thruster engine light had come on and had to be checked, so back to the gate we went. We are now in the air, Doug has gone through half of a package of tissues from reading the book that I picked up at the library this morning. It is The Scalpel and the Soul-Encounters with Surgery, the Supernatural, and the Healing Power of Hope. By Allan Hamilton, MD. He has been reading me excerpts from the book, it is a tearjerker and excellently written. So I am signing off for right now, hoping for an easy flight, an easy trip to the lab for a blood draw when we land , a hematocrit that is above 9 and finally arriving at the retreat, where I plan to hand my sweet spouse over to his peeps, and then relaxing.
So go find a 40 pound container of kitty litter or better yet 7 gallons of milk, pick them up and you too can experience the weight that I am no longer encumbered with, it is awesome!