I am spiritually very tired, this weekend kicked the shit out of both of us. We were going to take a day off from treatment to try and let Doug rest. I actually got to get to the doctor today myself, though I was late for my appointment due to a phone call from Doug's doctor asking me questions for 15 minutes about his condition and then another 10 minutes discussing possible causes and treatment. Fortunately the physician I was scheduled with had a cancellation so I did get my exam in and was told that I don't need surgery, so there's a plus. After the doctor I drove north 5 miles to a drug store that I had never been to where the clinic had called in a drug to help his belly. After two or three screw-ups at the pharmacy, one of which included them having his name grouped with his twin brother's address and phone number and then they argued with me that it couldn't be his twin brothers account because they had the same birthday! I finally asked them to just transfer the prescription down to the drug store next to the house as I had spent too much time away from Doug for my comfort. I arrived home and called the doctor back and he talked to Doug to ask the same things that I had asked him, funny he didn't snap at the doctor for asking him questions.
He was in so much body pain, a bone dry mouth and cramping guts that we had to go down to the clinic so that the doc could examine him and figure out what the hell was going on with him. It was determined that he was dehydrated and low on magnesium and potassium, so he got an IV pain medication that he has been getting before each chemo treatment. He also got a big dose of magnesium and a colonic to relax his gut. All the clients were shocked and dismayed at the sight of him when we walked in, his countenance was that radically altered by the three days of unrelenting pain and all the other debilitating symptoms from not eating or drinking enough and having to take the narcotics.
My sweetie actually returned from the colonic room, by that I mean I recognized him as the person that I could actually talk to without having my head bitten off and who could actually smile, weak though it was. It seemed promising, the nurses tried to let him now that he had to hydrate himself and to not let his pain get ahead of him and to take the medication on time and in the right dose. He seemed to have his pain under control until a couple of hours ago when it started up again. He would not take the medicine and he hasn't had a drink since we got home, I think I might just beat him when I have the energy.
He has his reasons for refusing the shot that we came home with, he doesn't want to wake up in the middle of the night in pain with nothing but the pills that he hates available. But I have my reasons for him to take the meds when his pain starts, drink when he doesn't want to and to eat when he doesn't want to. My reasons would be having a great desire to not have him jump face first into the downward spiraling abyss of pain, dehydration and constipation that doing things his way produces. I also happen to have almost 40 years of experience in caring for people in distress and I can say he has won the most uncooperative and belligerent patient of my long career, hands down. Enough said about this misery. He is sleeping right now and I am watching Castle, my new favorite TV show- something I haven't had for years.
So here's to more fucking growth opportunities, might as well accept them, they ain't stopping for a while, this I know to be true. I will keep you posted.
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