Dear Dougie

Dear Doug
Hope you are well and happy. I can't imagine that you aren't as this is what you desired and prepared for for your whole life. I just wanted to use the anniversary of our wedding that is coming up on Tuesday this week to ask you a few things. How is the next world working out for you? Have you had any awesome experiences besides being everywhere at once like you related to Shiloh right after you passed over? Are you really never coming back? Do we get to hang out again when my time comes? Will we laugh about all the misunderstandings and petty meanness that we shared when we were both embodied? I know that you told me awhile back that it was all going to be OK, could you revisit me and be more specific? I am having a hard time figuring out how it is all going to be OK.
I do have some embryonic ideas of how it might be OK, but the steps that I am having to take to get there seem quite scary and a bit insurmountable.
I have to sell our home, I can't afford it anymore and I never really liked living in the city. Truth be told, neither of us did, but you did like your job at GCC and they loved you, more than you ever could have guessed while you were alive. So I know that we had to be there for your job, but it really is kind of an icky place to have a home. You would be shocked to know that our house is now worth $60,000 less than what you paid to have it built! Also it is worth $115,000 less than we owe on it, you would be worried and very stressed about the whole financial thing so you are lucky to not have to deal with it. You provided well for me but as you know, I have taken it upon myself to pay off your medical debts and to help a bunch of our family and friends with the money so it is dwindling fast. I have no regrets about how it has been spent and I still have enough to get by for awhile, so don't worry if worry is even in your spiritual repertoire where you are now, I hope not, you did enough of that here. I think that I am going to spend my time between here in Maine and down in Sierra Vista near Janny, don't know for sure but am trying to get my ducks in a row in that direction. I have dreams of carrying my practice wherever I go and having clients to keep me busy and to pay the bills, any help you could send in that area would be greatly appreciated. I haven't been feeling well lately, many migraines, nausea, stiffness, I would really like to hang out here for a good while longer, though I do miss you and would love to be enveloped in your warm loving heart energy. Could you see about extending my stay here so that I can accomplish a bit more, thanks.
Your grandson talks about you and wonders how you are, I gave him a DVD with you singing I'll Love You Forever on it for his birthday, he really loved hearing you sing to him, I will keep your memory alive in him as long as I am still here.
I finally sent that letter to Jim that I had talked about with you about for our whole marriage, trying to get some closure 24 years later, sorry I didn't do it sooner so that you wouldn't have had to suffer for my lack of resolution with him. It is done now, let's let the cards fall where they may. The kids are not happy about it, but as you said, it was not about them, it was about me getting closure and healing from that foundational relationship with him that colored all the rest of my relationships. If you had a hand in my courage to do that, thanks, I needed it.
I don't know if you would recognize me when it comes to socializing, I have become a bit of a hermit, I don't have the emotional fortitude to spend a lot of time with a lot of folks. I'm not the girl with the full dance card that you accused me of being anymore. I do want to thank you for sending Jesse, he been so pivotal in my healing and understanding of what my loss of you here has meant. He is having a hard time stepping into his path, kind of reminds me of your struggles here, send him a shot or two of serenity. Please thank Nikki for me also, I know you two cooked this up together. Remind her of how much he loves her, as she doesn't already know. If you bump into Burt, thank him for me for leaving behind one of the best women on the face on the planet, Judys love, support and elbow grease are second to none, I love that woman. Jacqueline has kept her promise to you and has helped me immensely, send she and Paul some peace and good vibes. I will be seeing Mandaza in a couple of months, I am sure we will be trying to contact you, if you are busy then it's OK, I know that you are watching over me. The kitties are all fine, Jasper is having the time of his life with Doug, it was a match made in heaven, did you have anything to do with that? Gracie and Lily are here in Maine with James, they have pretty much gone back to their roots, semi feral but more than willing to hang out and get food and snacks at the house. Teddi and Bluie are hanging with Shiloh at the house, apparently, Teddi has taken to sacrificing massive amounts of critters in order to ask the Gods for something, glad you aren't here to cry over each birdie and lizard that he leaves on the floor. Frankie missed you so much, his face made Isis and I cry when they took your body out of the house, he moped for months. He has a baby brother now, Johnny, I am pretty sure that you would like him a lot, he is pretty, smart and a good guard dog. He also doesn't beg, and walk like he was born on the leash, unlike his big galoot of a brother. I miss your smell, your ability to spell, your wonder, your arms, lips and heart. I even miss having you rile me up with the things that used to rile me up, I won't go into them here, you know what I'm talking about. Please send James some strength and Hope, Isis some health and peace, Shiloh some soothing and opportunity, Tracey some luck and happiness, try to find her baby that she just lost and take care of them. Visit as often as you want, send me direction and joy. Remember that you were the husband that I needed, and you became the one that I wanted, I still do. I love you. Happy Anniversary Sweetie, dance in Abha with your mom and dad, and take my mom for a spin too.